He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
