Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
