I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
