i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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