You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
