I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
