you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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