This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
