Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
