just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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