So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
