if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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