I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
