next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
