I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
