I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
