insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
