Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
