the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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