Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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