The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
