Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
