is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize