Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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