Having a random hookup so left but love u
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
