I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize