Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
