Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
