To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
