Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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