The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize