I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
