You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
