Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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