I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
