Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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