Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
