I need help removing her.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You ruined the universe
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
