i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
