Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
