woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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