And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
