Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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