We need to rekindle our bromance
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Vodka?
Forever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
