Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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