you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
