i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
COCAINE IS GR8
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
