You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
