dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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