I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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