god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
