whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
