Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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