bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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