a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
