There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize