yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
