I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
