my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize