Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
