you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
