hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
