I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
