I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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