I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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