Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
