We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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