I CAN MOONWALK!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
