i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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