i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize