just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
