tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
