Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize