Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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