Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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