Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
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